When I was fourteen years old, my parents started leaving the house on Tuesday evenings for mysterious “meetings.” They wouldn’t say where they were going or why. Since they were active leaders in our church who always had church-related business to attend to, I told myself it was probably some church meeting or other.
So it went, week after week, for months. Every Tuesday evening, like clockwork. I learned to stop asking questions and keep myself occupied while they were gone.
Only years later did I learn that my mom had been taking my father to see a therapist. He was suffering from severe anxiety, paranoia, and delusions, most likely prompted by a prolonged and deeply painful split in our church. My parents so effectively hid this from my sister and me that we suspected nothing was amiss.
Less than a year after starting therapy, my father died. His death was caused by a serious physical disease—but I’m certain that his declining mental state played a role as well.
In the more than three decades since his passing, my mom and I have had a few frank conversations about my father’s symptoms at that time. He was under severe stress; he suffered from insomnia; he feared he would be arrested by the police for mistakes he had made during the church conflict, even though he had obviously done nothing criminal.
But whenever I say that my father suffered from anxiety or another mental health disorder, my mom will adamantly deny it.
I am, in many ways, my father’s daughter. I inherited his tendency toward introversion, his creative capacities, his emotional sensitivity, and his love of books and storytelling. I have also lived with chronic anxiety, to varying degrees, for my entire life—though I wasn’t formally diagnosed until a little more than fifteen years ago.
Unlike my parents, I have spoken and written openly about my struggles with mental health. My mother regards my public honesty with confusion at times, embarrassment at others.
While mental health awareness is increasing with each successive generation of Asian Americans, the cultural stigma against acknowledging mental health disorders remains a powerful force. Despite the fact that nearly one in five Asian Americans will experience mental illness at some point in their lives, they are 50 percent less likely than other ethnic groups to seek mental health services.
Many churches in the US, unfortunately, only reinforce the stigma. Around 30 percent of Christians with mental illness (inclusive of all ethnic backgrounds) report having a negative interaction with their church after sharing about their mental health needs.
Regardless of the denomination, orthodoxy, or ethnic culture of the congregation, mental health struggles are often conflated with individual spiritual failing. When I have shared about my anxiety with other Christians, I have typically had Philippians 4:6 quoted back at me: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (NIV). This is usually followed by, “Have you tried praying about this?” or “If you had more faith, maybe you wouldn’t be so anxious.”
I never know what to say in response. Though well-intentioned, these individuals have not heard the desperate prayers I have prayed over many years; have not seen the ferocity with which I have wept; have not witnessed my worst panic attacks; have not been with me in my darkest, most despairing days. Their platitudes serve only to make me feel smaller.
Today, we have decades of psychological research and scientific study that help us understand the underlying causes of mental health disorders, most of which can be traced to genetics, trauma, chemical imbalances in the brain, or environmental factors. But many Christians continue to hold fast to the ancient belief that sin is always what causes suffering.
“Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” the disciples, upon encountering a man blind from birth, ask Jesus (John 9:2, NIV). Jesus’ response is clear. “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” he says unequivocally (v. 3). While the vast majority of people today would agree that blindness is not the consequence of sin, the same cannot be said for mental health struggles. In particular, anxiety and depression, the most common mental health ailments, are equated with lack of faith or trust in God, or a lack of sufficient prayer or spirituality.
As a result, churches, which should be places of welcome and compassion, have become sources of pain and rejection for those already hurting. Christians with mental health disorders have reported experiencing rejection, accusations of sin, or even claims of demonic possession. Understandably, this causes many to hide their conditions from fellow church-goers rather than talking about it or seeking help.
The Bible paints an entirely different picture of a gentle, loving response to mental health disorders. Throughout Scripture, we find honest depictions of revered heroes of the faith struggling with their mental health and expressing this to God, including Elijah, Jeremiah, Naomi, and David. Jesus himself experiences grief and sorrow at multiple times in his ministry, culminating in his nearly unbearable anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane.
While God does not often provide healing—nor does God provide a reason for why this is so—his comfort is constant. In 1 Kings 19, when Elijah is fleeing for his life and expresses a desire to die, God sends an angel to provide fresh bread and water, and to encourage him to get some sleep (vv. 3-8). There are no recriminations, no requests for additional prayer or sacrifice. God is simply present and attends to Elijah’s needs.
This is a beautiful picture of how the people of God can respond to those in our midst who are wrestling with anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. It can be difficult to understand the inner suffering of another individual, but God does not ask that we fully understand another—and certainly does not call us to judge another—before we offer our presence and our compassion. In addition, congregations can better equip themselves to care for individuals and families affected by mental health challenges through the expertise of ministries like Pathways to Promise and Sanctuary Mental Health Ministries.
Change within the church isn’t easy, but the conversations I see happening now within congregations have already shifted significantly since my father struggled with his mental health three decades ago. Changing the stories told—or not told—within our own families is no small task either. But gently sharing our own mental health experiences with our parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, showing them a picture of courage, rather than shame, is one place to begin. Modeling for the next generation how we can proactively care for mental health—our own and others—is another important step toward collective well-being.
I recently restarted therapy for at least the seventh time since my father’s passing. I didn’t have a mental health crisis this time, but I felt the need for additional support after a particularly stressful season. I have found myself instinctually wanting to hide this from my own children—not from shame, but out of a desire to protect them from worry.
But, I remind myself, the breaking of generations-old patterns can begin with me. If I willingly speak what need not be hidden, if I demonstrate that caring for my mental health is a sacred practice, my children can learn to do the same. And perhaps they, and their children after them, will know far less of the shame and stigma of mental health that has been carried for centuries.
Dorcas Cheng-Tozun is an award-winning writer and the author of several books, including Mental Health: A 6-Week Interactive Bible Study (IVP). She has also worked in the nonprofit and social enterprise sectors for more than twenty years. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and two sons.
Website: www.chengtozun.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chengtozun
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chengtozun/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chengtozun/
Link to Mental Health study on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Mental-Health-Experiencing-Spirit-Interactive/dp/1514012901/
Link to Migration study on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Migration-Experiencing-Immigrants-6-Week-Interactive/dp/1514012928/
Link to Social Justice for the Sensitive Soul on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1506483437/
